CFTF II: Can't Hold Out Forever
by TracyJean
Summary: Harm and Mac move a step closer to everything they want.
1. Chapter 1

SATURDAY, 27 MAY  
1135 ZULU  
SARAH MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT  
GEORGETOWN  
WASHINGTON D.C.

Mac tossed her keys onto the coffee table and threw herself onto the couch with a heavy sigh. How had everything gotten so complicated? She felt as if she were drowning and there wasn't a life preserver or rescue boat in sight.

First there was Mic. He was sweet and charming and he could make her laugh. She cared for him. A lot. But he had thrown her into a tailspin the instant he had made his surprise announcement that he was back in Washington to stay. How could she be practically engaged to the man, yet feel that it was such an intrusion on her carefully constructed life that he had given up his career in the Royal Australian Navy to move nine thousand miles to be with her? Twisting the ring on her right hand, she studied the diamond as it sparkled in the sunlight streaming through the window. It was so beautiful, so clear. Would that her feelings could be that clear.

And those feelings were all muddled because of one Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr. After that night on the ferry, when he hadn't been able to let go, she had been the one to let go. She had convinced herself to let go of every hope and dream she had ever had about the two of them, hopes and dreams that she had been nurturing in her soul ever since the day they had first laid eyes on each other among the roses. She had shut herself off, tried to maintain a professional distance between the two of them. She thought she had been succeeding. . . .until last night.

For a few magical moments, as they had held each other on the dance floor, it had been as if no one else existed. They had just been a man and a woman lost in the sight and feel of each other. For a brief time, there were no military rules and regulations, no ring sparkling on her hand, no Mic Brumby, no Renee Peterson, no ferry ride in Australia. Mac had felt all of the walls that she had carefully built up around her heart for the past three months begin to crumble and her hopes begin to soar.

But then the moment was over and reality had intruded once again. Mic had shown up on the dance floor to claim her, sticking close to her side for most of the rest of the evening. Every now and then, as she and Mic had danced, she would find her eyes meeting Harm's and she thought that she had seen her own tortured soul mirrored in his eyes.

Mac had spent a restless night haunted by those eyes, eyes that had seemed to finally tell her everything that he hadn't been able to under the stars a few months earlier. She had tossed and turned as she remembered the feeling of being in his arms, remembered wanting so much more.

And then, by some strange twist of fate, who should she run into at the park that morning but the one man who had the power to turn her knees to jelly and to shake her to her core? And irony of ironies, he had acted as if he had been ready to listen to her, ready to open up himself and she had been the one unable to let go of the walls, to let herself finally be free to love him.

Mac jumped up from the couch and began to wander restlessly around the living room, trying to sort through her feelings. What was she supposed to do? Build a safe, comfortable life with a wonderful man loved her above all else but whom she wasn't sure she loved? Or throw all that away for the one man she loved and who ignited a fire within her soul, but whom she still wasn't sure was ever going to be ready to love her with an equal passion.

She was shaken out of her reverie by the insistent ringing of her phone. Holding her breath, she glanced at the caller ID, then exhaled sharply. It wasn't Harm. After her restless night, after the scene in the park, she didn't think she could face talking to him.

Feeling safe because she didn't recognize the number, she picked up the phone and answered in a slightly shaky voice, "Hello?"

If the person on the other end noticed the tremor in her voice, he didn't let on. "Good morning, luv," Mic said cheerfully. A bit too cheerfully for Mac.

She took a few breaths to calm herself. She could do this. She just had to keep repeating that to herself. Then maybe she would start believing it. "Good morning, yourself," she replied. "What can I do for you?"

Mic heard. He heard the slight catch in her voice, the hesitation before she returned his greeting. Mic tried to convince himself that it didn't mean a thing, even as he knew deep down in his heart that he was wrong. It meant everything. "Nothing. I just wanted to hear the voice of the woman I love." It couldn't hurt to remind her what she meant to him.

"That's so sweet, Mic," she answered with a cheerfulness she didn't really feel. "However, you caught me heading into the shower. I just came back from a run."

"You want me to join you, luv?" he teased.

"Mic. . . ."

"Relax, luv," Mic said soothingly. "I just got up myself and thought I'd call and confirm our lunch date." And remind her that he was the one who loved her.

"I'm looking forward to it," she answered with forced gaiety. "What time do you want to meet?""Why don't I pick you up, say around 1130?"

"That would be fine," Mac replied. "I'll see you then."

"I love you, Sarah," Mic said gently.

Mac tried to say the words, but they stuck in her throat. Instead, she hung up the phone with a whispered goodbye. Throwing herself back onto the couch, she didn't try to hold back the tears that were beginning to fall.

-----

1205 ZULU  
DOUBLETREE HOTEL  
ARLINGTON, VIRGINIA

Mic set down the phone in its cradle with a heavy heart. He had heard it in her voice. She was slipping away from him. Sitting down on the bed, he flipped on the radio, leaving it on the station it was set to, only half listening to the music as he turned over the events of the past 24 hours in his mind.

He had been full of hopes and dreams when he had landed in Washington the previous morning. He had truly believed that he was doing the right thing, packing up and moving back to Washington. Sarah was taking her time to make a decision, so he had thought that by being there everyday, by showing her how much he loved her, that he could tip the scales in his favor. But then one dance threatened to destroy all his plans.

Had Renee been right after all? Was this one battle that he could never win, no matter how hard he fought? He had spent the previous night trying not to think about that very possibility, trying to convince himself that Renee was being paranoid, that the looks that had passed between the woman he loved and another man during and after their dance had meant nothing.

Sarah probably thought he hadn't seen how her gaze would wander every so often to a distant point over his shoulder. Rabb probably never realized that Mic noticed how he would suddenly avert his gaze every time it had been Mic facing his direction instead of Sarah. But he had seen, out of the corner of his eye, each tender look, every longing gaze. And each one drove another knife into his heart.

He shook his head, as if that could shake his tortured thoughts away. But he couldn't shake away the pain in his heart. Deciding he needed a distraction, he turned up the radio as the cheerful DJ announced, "All oldies, all the time. Here's another one from Gene Pitney – 'Half Heaven, Half Heartache."

With a disgusted sigh, Mic slapped the switch on the radio, turning it off. It was almost as if the fates were conspiring against him, telling him that what he wanted most in life was not meant to be.

-----

1210 ZULU  
HARM RABB'S APARTMENT  
NORTH OF UNION STATION  
WASHINGTON D.C.

After Mac's abrupt departure from Rock Creek Park, Harm had lost interest in jogging out his frustrations and had returned to his apartment feeling even more lost and confused. For just a moment, he thought he had been ready. Ready to listen, ready to talk, ready to reveal everything that he had been holding in his heart for four long years. But when he felt he was finally ready, Mac had been the one to turn away.

Harm wandered over to the window and stared out through the open blinds, his hand clenched tight in a fist. He had thought that nothing could hurt him as bad as it had in Russia, when he had finally found out that his father was lost to him forever. Now, for the second time in his life, he was losing one of the people he loved most in the world and he didn't know if he could go through it a second time.

Turning away from the window, his eyes fell on a picture on his shelf, one of him and Mac, baby AJ cradled in her arms, taken by Harriet at the baby's christening. His arm had been around Mac's shoulders and they had both been looking down at the little angel in her arms. For a moment, his mind drifted back to the day AJ had been born, when he had promised to go halves with her on a child if neither of them were otherwise involved.

For not the first time since that day, Harm found himself wondering just what a child of theirs would be like. Would he have his father's charm and love of flying? Or would she have her mother's beauty and feisty spirit? And he thought about the joy and anticipation of expecting a child with Mac, imagined her growing large with their child, feeling the baby moving inside of her.

Harm had to admit to himself that he didn't want to wait five years, didn't want to risk them growing further apart, moving on to other people. Harm was ready to admit, to himself and to her, that he wanted her. Wanted her in his life, wanted to wake up beside her every morning, wanted to fall asleep holding her every night.

He was ready to admit that he had been so wrong in Australia. How could he not let go, especially when the cost was his very soul?

The phone rang, shaking him out of his thoughts. He picked up the phone as he glanced at the caller ID. It wasn't Mac. "Hello, Renee," he said.

"Good morning, Harm," she answered. "I was wondering if you are free for lunch."

Harm considered. He had thought about calling Mac, but after this morning, he wasn't sure that was such a good idea. He decided that he needed a distraction and Renee was definitely that. "I think I can manage it," he replied. "Where did you have in mind?"

"A member of my film crew told me about a vegetarian restaurant in Rockville called The Vegetable Garden," she said, hoping he would be happy with her thoughtfulness. "I thought you might like to try it."

"I'm familiar with the place," he said, a bit surprised. It wasn't exactly Renee's usual style of restaurant. "That would be nice. What time?"

"Why don't I meet you there about noon?" she asked.

Again, he was surprised. "You don't want me to pick you up?"

"No," she responded. "I think it will be better this way. Goodbye, Harm." Renee hung up the phone before he could question her further.

Harm looked at his phone for a long moment, puzzled, before he hung it up. What had she meant by her last statement?

Across town, Renee smiled. Oh well, it had been fun while it had lasted. But it was time that Harmon Rabb was shown that it was time to move on, time to move on to what he really wanted.

-----

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

1555 ZULU  
THE VEGETABLE GARDEN RESTAURANT  
ROCKVILLE, MARYLAND

Harm entered the restaurant to find Renee already inside and seated, running a finger around the rim of her water glass, a thoughtful look on her face. With a gesture to the hostess to indicate that his lunch companion was already seated, he made his way towards the rear of the restaurant. He had to admit that she looked beautiful, her blond hair perfectly styled, her blue silk pants suit looking fresh and neat despite the humid late spring air. There was only one thing wrong that Harm could see; she wasn't Mac.

Renee was so deep in thought that she did not even notice he was in the restaurant until he was standing in front of her, clearing his throat. Renee looked up, startled, as Harm sat down and picked up the menu on the table and began perusing it. "Have you already decided what you want?" Harm asked.

If only you knew, Renee thought. But she forced a smile on her face and answered, "I'm not that hungry. I'm just going to order a salad."

Harm glanced up from his menu, a surprised look in his eyes. Renee had called him, asked him to go out to lunch and she wasn't hungry? Come to think of it, Harm thought, she had been acting strange ever since last night, when she had abruptly left the Surface Warfare Ball with only a vague note as explanation. And then her comment on the phone this morning, when he had wondered why she didn't want him to pick her up, what had that been all about? "Are you okay?" he asked, concerned.

Renee waved her hand as if to brush aside his concern. "Fine," she answered briskly. "I just had a late night."

Harm nodded slowly. Maybe he could draw her out and get to the bottom of whatever seemed to be troubling her. "Did you get your problem taken care of?" he asked.

"Problem?" Renee asked back, confused.

"Your problem," Harm said slowly, more convinced than ever that something was off with Renee. "The one that you left the ball to take care of, that you had to call LA to fix."

Renee laughed, a bit of nervousness evident. "Oh, that problem. It wasn't the big deal my assistant made it out to be."

"So you. . . ." Harm began, but he was cut off by the approach of their waitress.

"Are you people ready to order?" the woman asked them, opening her pad and preparing to take down their order.

"I'll just have a Caesar salad and iced tea," Renee answered.

The waitress wrote it down, then asked, "Sweetened or unsweetened?"

"Unsweetened is fine."

"And you, sir?" the waitress asked as she turned her attention to Harm.

Harm closed the menu as he replied, "I'll have the Triple Delight Pasta, a side salad and unsweetened iced tea." He held the menu out.

The waitress took the menu and closed her pad. "Good choice," she said brightly. "I'll be back in just a moment with your drinks." She walked off towards another table, leaving Harm and Renee alone again.

"It's a beautiful day," Renee commented idly.

"It is," Harm replied, "but why do I get the feeling something's on your mind, something that you wanted to discuss with me over lunch?"

Renee shrugged. "Am I really that transparent?"

"Today, yes," he answered. "You aren't usually, which leads me to think that whatever is on your mind, it's bothering you a lot. Do you want to talk about it?"

Renee looked down at her hands and studied her fingernail polish for a long moment before musing, "Do I want to talk about it? No, not really. But I think I need to."

The waitress chose that moment to return with their iced teas. Harm and Renee both murmured their thanks as the waitress moved off again. Harm took a long sip of his tea before continuing, "Renee, you know you can tell me what's bothering you. I'd like to help."

"You would, wouldn't you?" she commented sadly. "You're so noble that way."

For a brief moment, his mind flashed back to another conversation, another comment, one said in a drunken haze. 'Harmon Rabb, so righteous, so pure.' Why was he thinking of that now?

Some part of what he was thinking must have been apparent on his face, because Renee quickly added, "I don't mean that in a bad way. I just mean that you're always so considerate to the people you care about."

"Renee," Harm insisted, the confusion evident in his voice and eyes, "just tell me what this is about."

She leaned back in her chair and sighed. This was harder than she had thought it was going to be. But it had to be done. For her own peace of mind, but most of all for his. "Well. . . ." she began.

Harm suddenly interrupted as something occurred to him. "Are you trying to tell me it's over?" he asked.

Renee breathed a sigh of relief. He had just made it so much easier for her by saying what she was thinking. She could do this. "Actually, I am," she admitted.

"Do you mind if I ask why?"

"Please, believe me when I say that I care for you," Renee urged. "It's just. . . " she trailed off, searching for the right words.

"Just what?" Harm encouraged.

She looked him in the eye as she answered softly, "I'm not her."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Harm asked, incredulous, even as he knew deep down who she was talking about. Where the heck is this coming from? he thought.

"Everyone sees it," she explained. "Everyone but you. Sometimes I wonder how someone so smart could be so blind. I'm just a substitute. How does that song go? 'If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with.'"

"What, do you think I've just been using you?" he demanded, his voice raising slightly in volume.

"Not intentionally," she answered in a soothing voice. "Look, Harm, I'm not saying this to upset you, but you and I both know that you don't love me. It's been fun. But that's all it ever was, all it ever would be. We could never last forever. . . .but you and the Colonel could."

"Renee, where is all this coming from?" Harm asked, desperate to understand. "Mac is practically engaged to Brumby."

She paused as the waitress returned with their food. Renee picked her fork up and immediately began to push her salad around on her plate. Once the waitress was gone, she answered his question with a sigh, "It's been coming for a while now. I may be blond, but I'm not dumb."

"I know that. . . " Harm began, but she cut him off.

"I know you don't think that," she interjected, "but can you honestly say that your friends feel the same way?"

"Since when is this about my friends?"

Renee shrugged as she took a bite of her salad. She swallowed, then continued, "It's not, really, except for one in particular." She sipped her tea, then added, "And practically engaged is not the same thing as being engaged, now is it? Has it never occurred to you that maybe by wearing another man's ring, she was hoping that you would wake up and see what is right in front of you? And what did you do? You ran straight to me. So, to repeat my answer to your earlier question, you have not done it intentionally, but you have been using me. I know that. . . .perhaps I always have."

Harm found himself unable to respond. He had spent most of the last day thinking of nothing but what was right in front of him and here was his own girlfriend voicing some of those same thoughts that had been tormenting him ever since one magical dance. Harm took a deep breath and asked, "If you've always known this, then why now?"

"Why now?" she repeated. "Maybe because I was hoping that we could both pretend there was more between us than was really there. But I can't pretend, not after last night."

Harm didn't even protest that he didn't know what she was talking about. He did know. "It was just one dance," he stated. He looked thunderstruck as understanding finally dawned. "It was not long afterwards that the Admiral gave me your note. That's why you left the ball. There was no problem in LA, was there? You were upset because of that dance."

Renee smiled sadly. Sometimes, she thought, he could be so dense. No wonder he didn't have what he really wanted. "Do I sound upset, Harm?" she countered, a smile on her face. "Because I'm not. I just needed to think about some things. That's why I wanted to get together today. So I could tell you that. . . .and give you some advice."

"Advice?" he questioned.

"Yes," she answered. "You and I were fun, but you could have something really special, if you would only reach out and grab it before it gets away. Don't let it get away." Renee pushed her chair back from the table, ready to leave him to discover the truth now that she had said her piece.

Harm grabbed her hand to stop her. "Please stay and finish your lunch," he encouraged.

Renee shook her head as she said, "I really shouldn't. . . ."

"For old times' sake," he insisted. "Call it a final goodbye between friends."

Renee pulled back up to the table as she smiled. "Between friends," she said. "I think I can do that."

They finished their lunch as they chatted like old friends. To his surprise, Renee encouraged him to open up about Mac. There were things he would never tell her; he wouldn't betray Mac's confidence like that. He wouldn't mention how Mac had first confided in him about her alcoholism, about the accident that had killed her friend Eddie, how ashamed she had been the day she had fallen off the wagon and had turned on him. But he did talk about how they had been stranded in the Appalachian mountains, chased by poachers. How she had stood by him through his obsession with finding his father, even following him to Russia and nearly getting herself killed. He told Renee how she had cried in his arms the day he had left JAG to return to the air. He even talked about that night in Australia, something he had never done with anyone, how she had talked of what could be between them and how he had turned away, too wrapped up in duty and regulation.

If Renee had harbored any doubts about what she had just done, they dissipated as she listened to him. Maybe someday she could be lucky enough to find a love like that. She smiled to herself.

Harm noticed and stopped in the middle of an anecdote about the time he had gone undercover with a Marine force recon team. "What are you smiling about?" he asked.

"Nothing really," she shrugged. "I just hope that someday I can find someone to love and cherish me as you do Colonel Mackenzie. I just hope you're ready to admit what you feel."

Harm didn't answer. Renee had been understanding, but she wasn't the one that he needed to discuss his feelings with. But Renee didn't need an answer.

She saw it in his eyes. Leaning across the table, she brushed his cheek with her lips. "Good luck, Harmon Rabb," she whispered. "I hope you find what you're looking for." She stood and opened her purse, ready to give him some money for her lunch when he waved her off.

"No, let me," he insisted. "Consider it a thank you for the advice. And for being a friend."

She nodded as she slung her purse over her shoulder. "I really do care about you. The biggest thanks you could give me would be to be happy. Goodbye, Harm." Without a backward glance, Renee walked out of the restaurant and out of his life.

Harm in his chair towards the door and watched her leave, his expression thoughtful. How ironic that it had taken his girlfriend, of all people, to give him the final push he needed, to help him decide that he was finally ready to let go. Now he just had to hope that it wasn't to late to convince a certain jarhead that he was ready.

-----

1625 ZULU  
HARD ROCK CAFÉ  
WASHINGTON D.C.

Mic held Mac's chair for her as she sat down. She smiled at him as he sat down himself. He could be so sweet and considerate, she thought with a trace of sadness. But was it enough? Could everything that was good about him ever be enough to make up for the fact that he wasn't Harm?

Mic watched her as she studied the menu, worried. She had been quiet on the ride from Georgetown, barely saying two words in the car. He hadn't pushed, hoping that she would appreciate his consideration. But his mind kept stubbornly drifting back to his conversation with Renee Peterson the night before as he wondered just what, or who, she had been thinking of.

'Has it ever occurred to you that you're fighting a losing battle?' Renee had asked him as they had watched their significant others find a few moments of contentment in each other's arms. Mic didn't want to see it that way, but he felt her silence putting a greater distance between them than nine thousand miles had ever been able to do.

As he looked down as his own menu, he started to listened to the song just beginning to play over the restaurant's sound system to distract himself from his tortured thoughts. Bloody hell, he thought as he heard the words of Gene Pitney's 'I'm Gonna Be Strong', was the whole world conspiring against him?

"Mic? Mic?" Mac was insistently calling him back down to earth.

He looked up, startled. While he had been lost in the song, the waitress had approached their table, ready to take their order. He looked at Mac and saw the concern in her dark eyes.

"Sorry, luv," he apologized. "I guess I'm still tired from the long flight."

"Can you give us a few more minutes?" Mac asked the waitress, who nodded and moved off to check on the patrons at the next table. Mac looked at Mic for a long moment before she asked, "Are you sure you're okay? You seem distracted."

"I think that's supposed to be my line," he pointed out. She thought he was distracted? He wasn't the one who had been off in his own little world for more than twelve hours.

"What do you mean?" she countered.

"You've been lost in your own little world ever since I returned," he explained. "I'm just wondering. . . ." he trailed off, still not quite ready to admit the truth.

Mac played with the ring on her hand. "Wondering what?"

Mic shook his head. No, he wasn't going to do this. "Nothing, luv," he insisted. "Let's order." Before she could protest, Mic motioned the waitress back to their table.

After the waitress left with their orders, Mac looked him straight in the eye and urged, "Please, Mic, just tell me what is bothering you."

He took a deep breath. She wasn't going to make this easy for him. Maybe he wasn't ready to love her enough to let her go. But he thought he could love her enough to tell her the truth. "Do you think you could really be happy with a knocker like me?"

"What kind of question is that?" she asked, confused. Hadn't he made a similar comment the night he had asked her to marry him? She had no idea where he was going with this and that puzzled her. Usually, Mic was so easy to read. Harm would have said that he was normally very transparent. Mac shook her head. She was out with Mic; why was she thinking of Harm now?

"One that needs to be answered, I think," he responded. "Can you honestly say you love me or are you just settling?"

"Settling? Mic, where is this coming from?" she countered as she began to have a sinking feeling that he was talking about Harm. Again. God, after last night and this morning, she didn't need this, least of all from Mic.

"Do you love him, Sarah?" he asked. There, he had gotten it out in the open. Now, could he live with the consequences if her answer wasn't the one that he wanted to hear?

"Why are you asking me this?" Could he really see deep down to discover the thoughts that were torture for her day and night?

Mic heart sank. It was becoming more apparent that Renee was right. Otherwise, she would have been able to deny it without a second thought. Nor would she have had such a hard time saying 'I love you' to him that morning. "You're not denying it," he said sadly.

"Maybe I don't know what I want," she blurted out. Oh God, had she really said that? she thought. Just blurted out the crux of what had been tormenting her down to the bottom of her soul? And to Mic of all people?

He didn't want to do this. But he didn't think he could really live with her like that, always wondering if all he held was second place in her heart. For his own peace of mind, maybe he had to let her find out. Anything else would be torture. But would it be an even worse torture to let her go?

"Maybe it's time you found out," he countered, speaking quickly before he lost his courage. "To be honest, I think you've been avoiding this very issue for months. It was easy to do while I was half a world away, wasn't it?" He held up his hand before she could protest his last statement. "Let me finish. I love you, Sarah Mackenzie, but I want you to feel the same for me, without reservations. Right now, I can't be sure that you do. I need to be sure."

"Mic. . . ." she began as tears filled her eyes. Why, after all these months, was he doing this to her?

He reached out and brushed a falling tear from her cheek with his thumb. Renee had been right. He could see the truth in her eyes, even if he wasn't quite noble enough to just let her go free and clear because of it. "Mac, for the woman I love, find out how you really feel," he insisted quietly. "And when you've figured it out, I'll be here waiting."

Before she could say anything in response, Mic got up quickly walked away, still not convinced that he was doing the right thing. But he did know one thing. He did need to know where he stood.

Mac watched him leave, a hand clasped over her mouth, stunned. What had just happened? After moving nine thousand miles to be with her, had Mic Brumby just encouraged her to discover the truth of her feelings, in spite of the fact that it was very likely not to come out in his favor?

Their waitress had seen Mic leave and rushed over to their table. "Is your friend going to be returning?" she asked. "Or should I have the kitchen cancel his order?"

Mac just stared at the door for a long moment, before she jumped up from her chair. "Please, just cancel both our orders," she said brokenly before rushing out herself.

Outside, Mac leaned against the wall of the restaurant, ignoring the stares of diners waiting to get in, trying desperately to get a handle on her ragged emotions. Could she do what he asked? Could she risk opening herself up again to the man who held her heart, if it meant being shot down as she had been that awful night in February?

-----

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

SUNDAY, 28 MAY  
1425 ZULU  
SARAH MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT  
GEORGETOWN  
WASHINGTON D.C.

Mac took one last look at herself in the mirror in her bedroom and brushed a stray lock of hair off her forehead with her fingers. What is the big deal? she thought as she admired herself. Nobody is going to care if you look perfect. This is just a day at the park with Bud, Harriet and baby AJ...

And him, she added silently. He will be there. She was doing all this because of him, choosing the perfect clothes, the perfect makeup, the perfect hairstyle. All because she wanted to be admired by one Navy Commander. Trying to impress someone who probably didn't want to notice her, not like that. What was it Mic had once told her? That Harm had told him that he didn't see Mac as a woman? At the time, Mac had known that Mic was just saying that because he had been trying to knock Harm down a peg or two in her eyes. Which Mac had taken then with a grain of salt since she had still been pissed at Mic for his treatment of her at her murder trial. But then Australia. . . .

No, she admonished herself, Harm has never said anything to make you think that he doesn't see you as a woman. In fact, when she had suggested that dancing with her was like dancing with a sister at the NATO ball a few years back, he had been the one to say 'I don't think of you as a sister.' And he had said nothing in Australia to indicate he didn't see her as a woman. Really, he hadn't said much of anything on the ferry. She had done most of the talking. She had been the one who had accused him of not being able to let go, not that he had disagreed with her. He was just too damn wrapped up in duty and honor and rules and regulations that he had effectively closed his heart off to her. He may see her as a woman, but he would never let himself treat her as a woman, his woman.

"Why the hell am I even thinking about this?" she said aloud, then laughed bitterly. Now he had her talking to herself. She was so tied up in knots it hurt. First a few stolen moments on the dance floor on Friday, then on Saturday Mic, who had been the one pushing for a commitment in the first place, suggested that she find out what she really felt. With a heavy sigh, she looked down to find Jingo looking up at her with adoring dog eyes. She knelt beside him and buried her face in his neck.

"Why do men have to be so damn complicated?" she whispered. Jingo answered by giving her a comforting lick on her arm. Lifting her head, she smiled. Rubbing his head, she told him, "At least someone can make me feel better."

Standing, she whistled for him to follow her as she walked to the kitchen counter to grab Jingo's leash. He whimpered as he rubbed himself against her leg, but he let her put the leash on. "Sorry," she said. "We're going to the park and D.C. has a leash law." Taking the end of the leash in her left hand, she grabbed her car keys and left the apartment, praying silently that she could get through the day without falling apart.

Down on the street in front of her apartment building, she let out an exasperated groan. Of all the things to happen. There was her beloved Corvette sitting at the curb as normal, but for a flat rear passenger side tire. Kneeling down beside the car, she examined the tire closely, finding a nail imbedded in it. She hadn't driven it since she had returned from Florida and had barely paid attention to it in her comings and goings the last two days so she hadn't noticed.

She opened the passenger door and let Jingo jump in the car before she opened the trunk to retrieve the spare tire and jack. Only she was in for more frustration when she opened the trunk. Her spare tire was there all right, only it was nearly as flat as the tire already on her car. Deciding that it wouldn't hurt to leave Jingo sitting inside her car for a few moments while she ran back inside the apartment, she headed back in to call Bud and Harriet.

Mac picked up her phone and sighed. Bud and Harriet lived in Rosslyn and had probably already left so that they could make the park in time for the agreed upon meeting time of 1100 hours. Taking a deep breath, she clicked on the phone and pressed one of the speed dial buttons. She bet herself that someone else hadn't already left for the park.

She was right. After the second ring, the phone was picked up on the other end. "I thought you would have already left for the park, Mac," Harm said. He had known it was her without hearing her voice thanks to the modern invention of caller ID.

Mac took a deep breath, trying to ease the tension of the past two days. "My car has a flat and the spare is no good," she told him, trying to remain brief and to the point. "Can you pick me up?"

"No problem," he replied, a smile on his face. Of course, he had no problem picking her up. It would give him a some time alone with her, he thought, just the two of them. "I'd be happy to give you a ride. I was just getting ready to leave when you called, so I'll be there in about fifteen, twenty minutes."

"Fine," she said. "Jingo and I will be waiting outside for you." She was reaching with her thumb to click off the phone, but then she heard his voice, husky and soft.

"I'm looking forward to it, Ninja Girl," he said before he hung up from his end. Mac stood there staring at the phone for a long moment before she finally clicked it off and returned it to its cradle. Why had he gone and spoken like that? With one sentence, he had managed to turn her knees to jelly and set her heart racing in anticipation.

In his apartment, Harm grabbed the keys to his SUV and headed out, the smile still on his face. He was determined to spend today beginning to put things right with the woman who held his heart and soul prisoner. He was ready to show her that he was ready to let go, for her. Only for her.

-----

1450 ZULU  
OUTSIDE SARAH MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT  
GEORGETOWN  
WASHINGTON D.C.

Harm turned his SUV onto Mac's street and saw her sitting on the hood of her car, Jingo's leash in her hand. She was staring off into the distance and did not even realize that he had pulled up beside her until he honked his horn.

Mac jumped slightly at the sound and turned to find Harm looking at her, flyboy grin firmly in place. She didn't return the smile, getting down off her car and walking the short distance to his vehicle, pausing to put Jingo into the back seat before climbing up into the front passenger seat. As she fastened her seatbelt, she stole a glance at him out of the corner of her eye. He looked incredible as usual, she thought. He was dressed in a navy blue button-down shirt which he didn't have tucked into the waistband of his denim shorts. Unconsciously, she licked her lips as she imagined unbuttoning his shirt, running her hands over the muscles of his chest and stomach. . . . Down girl, she warned herself as she averted her gaze before her thoughts traveled any further down that particular closed-off road. She forced herself to look out the window as he drove off.

Her face turned away from him, she didn't notice how Harm would glance her way every so often, his gaze traveling over every curve and contour of her body. She was dressed similarly to him, in denim shorts and a button-down shirt, hers in a maroon color.

He wanted so much to talk to her, had so many things to tell her, to explain. But where to begin? What to say so that everything didn't come out all wrong, pushing her even further away when all that he wanted was to finally bring her closer?

-----

1510 ZULU  
ROCK CREEK PARK  
WASHINGTON D.C.

Harm pulled into the parking lot near the main entrance to the park and managed to find a parking spot just a few spaces down from the Roberts' minivan. He could see Bud and Harriet seated on a bench just outside the entrance to the park, a picnic basket beside the bench, little AJ, dressed in a sailor suit and cap, in his stroller in front of them, entranced by the set of plastic keys Bud dangled in front of him. Harm pulled into the spot and turned off the engine. He then reached over and took Mac's hand in his. "We're here," he said as he clasped his hand gently around hers, startling her.

She pulled her hand away from his as if she had been burned. She had been. She could still feel the heat from his touch, the tingling sensation that was spreading throughout her body. If he could do this with just a simple touch, she thought, then shook her head, trying to banish the thought from her mind. No. Not now. She had to be strong. If she wasn't, it wouldn't take much more than a touch to send her tumbling into his arms.

Harm was saddened when she pulled her hand away, but he tried to remain philosophical about it. Her life was probably in an uproar right now, he thought, with Mic's sudden return. He wished he could say something, anything, to put her at ease, to make her feel better. But he didn't know what to say. Didn't know how to say it.

From the park bench, Harriet looked up to see Harm's car pulling into the parking space, then she smiled broadly as she realized that Mac was with him. Elbowing her husband gently in the ribs, she pointed out Harm and Mac in the SUV. Bud shrugged, unimpressed.

"They were both coming anyway," Bud said. "It makes sense for them to only bring one car."

Harriet sighed. She loved the man dearly, but sometimes he could be so obtuse. "When they live in opposite directions from the park?" she pointed out then shook her head. It didn't matter what Bud thought. In Harriet's matchmaking mind, it was a sign.

Harm got out of the car and let Jingo out on his side while Mac was still climbing out of the car herself. The three of them walked over to the bench, Mac careful to keep her distance from Harm. Harriet and Bud both smiled up at them as they reached the bench while Jingo immediately sat down beside the stroller and pressed his cold, wet nose to AJ's cheek, eliciting giggles from the little boy. After a moment, all four adults joined in the laughter.

"Thank you for coming, Sir, Ma'am," Bud said, standing up before turning to help his pregnant wife up from the bench. "AJ's been so excited about spending time with Aunt Mac and Uncle Harm."

Hearing his father mention their names, AJ lost interest in Jingo and held out his arms in Harm and Mac's direction. "Aun' Mac, Unca Harm," he called out happily as Mac reached down and lifted him from the stroller, holding him against her as she kissed his forehead. AJ wrapped his arms around her neck and kissed her back on the nose.

Harm watched the little scene, imagining Mac holding their child at some point in the future. A smile lit his face as the thought warmed his heart.

While he was watching Mac, Harriet was watching him, noting the faraway expression in his eyes. How sweet, she thought happily, it's obvious he is so in love with her. That would just make her job that much easier.

After a moment cuddling AJ, Mac reluctantly handed him over to his godfather while Harm handed her Jingo's leash. Harm lifted the little boy above his head and spun him around in a slow circle, making little airplane engine noises. Mac tried to look away from the beautiful scene, but couldn't help but stare. He was going to make a wonderful father someday, she thought.

When Mac had handed AJ over, Harriet had turned her attention to the other woman, curious about how she would react while watching Harm and AJ. Harriet noted the longing look in Mac's eyes with satisfaction. Perfect, Harriet thought. All that was left was to make sure that her friends could finally learn to read the truth of their feelings in each others' eyes.

-----

1822 ZULU  
ROCK CREEK PARK  
WASHINGTON D.C.

Harriet, seated on a blanket next to her husband, his hand gently massaging her aching back, let out a contented sigh as she watched Harm and Mac taking turns pushing AJ on the baby swings a few yards away, while Jingo stretched out in the grass at their feet. It's going well, she thought as she saw Harm laughed at something Mac said. Harriet had been a little concerned. After they had settled down for their picnic, she had noticed a bit of tension between Harm and Mac, mostly from Mac. Every time Harm had gotten a little too close, brushing against her accidentally, Mac would step back as if burned and put some distance between them. Harriet had seen the sadness and frustration in Harm's eyes every time it happened and had thought at the time that maybe this wasn't going to be as easy as she had thought.

Eventually, however, Mac had relaxed and instead of jumping back, she smiled when Harm looked at her or when their hands made contact when both had been reaching into the picnic basket for something. And she had happily accepted his invitation when Harm had suggested the two of them taking AJ over to the swings so Bud and Harriet could have some time alone. Now it was time to set the next phase of her plan in motion, Harriet decided, and let them see what they were missing out on.

"Bud, honey," she said, patting her pregnant belly. "I need to get up and move around. And we should take some of this stuff back to the car. Can we walk around a little bit?"

Bud, still rubbing her back, smiled down at her. "Whatever you want, dear," he replied. "I'll go get AJ. . . ."

Harriet interrupted, "AJ's having too much fun over there with the Commander and the Colonel," she pointed out. "Do you really think he would be happy going into the stroller? I'm sure they wouldn't mind staying here with him while we wander around."

Bud considered for a moment. With one child still an infant and another one on the way, they didn't get too much time alone together, either due to demands on their time or because they were tired. It would be nice to walk around the park, just the two of them. Still, he felt a twinge of guilt about imposing on his friends. "Are you sure Commander Rabb and Colonel Mackenzie wouldn't mind keeping an eye on him?"

"Bud, just look at them," Harriet insisted, waving her hand in their direction. "They're having fun. Of course, they won't mind." She started to push herself up off the ground, Bud quickly jumping up to help her up. Harriet smiled as she glanced at the threesome at the swings again. They looked just like a little family out there. Now to give them a chance to see that the two of them could be a family together.

Harriet and Bud wandered over to the swings, Bud's arm around his wife's shoulders. As they got closer, they could hear their son urging Harm to push him higher, while Mac teased that apparently they had another flyboy on their hands. The look that Harm gave Mac warmed Harriet's heart. Perhaps he's imagining them having a little 'flyboy' of their own, she told herself.

Not surprisingly, the sharp-eyed Harriet was right on target. Harm's mind turned back to their promise to go halves on a kid together. What he could do with a son, passing on his love of flying. Or with his daughter. No reason why his daughter couldn't fall in love with the feeling of the wind in her hair, the freedom of the air, too. It would be in her blood.

Harm and Mac noticed Bud and Harriet approach at the same time and Harm pulled the swing to a stop, much to AJ's disappointment. He pouted for a moment before he saw his parents coming. "Mama, Da," he called out happily.

"Hi, baby," Harriet called back. They stopped just in front of the swing and Harriet began, "Sir, Ma'am. . . ."

Harm and Mac both immediately interrupted, "Harriet!"

Harriet laughed and started again, "Mac, Harm, Bud and I are going to put the basket and AJ's stroller back in the car then we were thinking of taking a walk around the park, just the two of us. Do you mind staying with AJ while we're gone?"

They looked at each other and shrugged. Harm wasn't about to object to spending time alone with Mac, even if they weren't really going to be by themselves. Mac, despite her earlier hesitancy, found herself thinking the exact same thing. Anyway, their friends deserved a break together. They both nodded.

"Of course we don't mind," Mac answered for both of them. "Go on, enjoy yourselves, take as much time as you'd like. We'll be around here when you get back."

"Thank you, Sir. . . Harm, Mac," Harriet replied enthusiastically. "Bud and I really appreciate this." She leaned over and kissed the top of her son's head. "Be a good boy for Aunt Mac and Uncle Harm," she told him.

"Good, Unca Harm, Aun' Mac," he repeated, nodding.

Bud reached out and ran his hand over AJ's fine hair. "That's right, son," he said. "Be good for Uncle Harm and Aunt Mac."

"Get going, you two," Harm said as he and Mac shooed them away. Bud and Harriet turned to leave, giving Harm and Mac just a glimpse of the self-satisfied smile on Harriet's face before they walked away.

Harm and Mac looked at each other for a long moment, not saying a word, both having the suspicion that they were being set up after that look on Harriet's face, until AJ tugged insistently on Harm's hand. "San," he said, pointing at the nearby sandbox where a few other children were already playing.

Harm unfastened the straps and lifted the boy out of the infant swing. "Want to play in the sandbox, huh?" Harm asked as he held AJ close. "That was one of my favorite things to do when I was little, too." Of course, his childhood sandbox had been an entire beach at La Jolla, but the concept was the same.

They walked over to the sandbox with Harm carrying AJ with his left arm while Mac held Jingo's leash in her right hand. After a few steps, Harm reached over and took Mac's hand with his right hand. Mac considered pulling away, knew she probably should pull away, but she enjoyed the heat, the tingling of his touch. After a few seconds that seemed like an eternity to Harm, she wrapped her fingers around his hand, squeezing gently.

When they reached the sandbox, Harm set AJ down in an unoccupied corner of the sandbox and he and Mac sat down cross legged on the sandy grass just outside the box while Jingo settled in to Mac's right. AJ began picking up fistfuls of sand, letting it stream back to the ground through his fingers as he stretched his hands out wide, babbling delightedly all the while.

"Too bad Bud and Harriet didn't think to bring a shovel and pail," Harm commented softly as they watched AJ enjoy himself playing with the sand. "We could build a little castle."

Mac smiled at him. This was a side of Harmon Rabb she didn't get to see much. Not many would have thought that the cocky, self-assured officer could have been a marshmallow when it came to kids. She had seen him before with AJ, with Josh Pendry, with Dar-lin Lewis and again she thought what a wonderful father he was going to be someday.

Another little boy close to AJ's age rolled a ball in AJ's direction, looking for a playmate. Delighted, AJ rolled the ball back and soon the two boys were passing the ball back and forth while Harm and Mac watched, smiling.

A young woman they assumed to be the mother of AJ's new friend turned to them and commented, "That's a beautiful little boy you've got there. How old is he?"

Both realized that she assumed they were AJ's parents, but neither jumped in to correct that assumption. "He just turned a year old last week," Mac answered. Bud and Harriet had held a birthday party for their son, attended by most of the JAG office, just two days before Bud had headed to Florida. The sailor suit AJ wore had been one of Harm's presents, while one of Mac's had been the matching cap he wore. A week before the party, they had gone shopping together, wanting to get something for their godson that was from both of them.

"Alex here turned a year old last month," the woman said proudly, indicating her son. She then laughed, slightly embarrassed. "How silly of me not to introduce myself. I'm Sandy and like I just said, this is Alex."

"I'm Mac," she returned before indicating the others. "This is Harm and this little angel is AJ." Harm nodded and smiled at Sandy while AJ ignored them, continuing to roll the ball back and forth with Alex.

"What does AJ stand for?" Sandy asked as she watched the boys play.

"Albert Jethro," Harm replied, then added quickly. "He's named after our commanding officer."

"You're military?" Sandy questioned, not really surprised. Generally, people who lived or worked in the D.C. area were associated with either the federal government or the military.

"I'm Navy and Mac is a Marine," Harm said, smiling at his partner.

"My younger brother is in Navy boot camp right now. He wants to work sonar on a submarine," Sandy told them. "I think he's seen 'The Hunt For Red October' one too many times. Anyway, I thought Navy and Marines didn't get along? At least, that's what John says."

Mac turned to Harm with a mock glare. "Don't tell me they teach you squids to hate Marines in boot camp!" she teased, getting a laugh from both Harm and Sandy.

"And they don't teach you jarheads the reverse at Parris Island?" Harm shot back as he reached over to push Mac's falling bangs out of her eyes. "Anyway, this Marine is pretty special," Harm added quietly as his eyes locked with hers and he read the longing in their chocolate depths.

Oblivious to the look passing between them, Sandy looked down at her watch with a sigh. "Come on, Alex," she called to her son. "We've got to go pick up Daddy. Say bye bye."

"Bye bye," Alex said as he stretched out his arms in his mother's direction. Sandy stood and swooped up her son, telling them, "It was nice to meet you both," before walking away.

AJ frowned at losing his playmate and decided to turn his attention to his godparents, tossing a handful of sand in their direction. Harm got a gleam in his eyes as he teased AJ, "You want to play with the big guys, huh? Better watch out." Harm began pushing handfuls of sand over AJ's outstretched legs, burying them.

"Harm," Mac laughed, "I hope you realize that you're going to have to get all that sand out of his clothes."

"Me!" Harm shot back in mock indignation. "That's what he has parents for!"

Mac reached over and playfully swatted him, prompting him to reach over to tickle her side. Mac returned the favor, tickling his stomach as AJ and Jingo both watched them curiously.

After a few moments of their play, oblivious to the other children and adults around, Mac became aware of the fact that she had somehow ended up in his arms, leaning her head against his chest. Pulling back slightly, she looked up at him, breathing heavily from her laughter, trying to decipher the expression on his face.

"Have dinner with me tonight, at my place," Harm suggested impulsively, figuring it was a good idea to ask while she was so relaxed and comfortable in his company.

Mac hesitated. She wanted to, oh, how she wanted to. She just didn't think she could take getting her heart trampled on again. "I really do need to take Jingo home and get him fed when we leave here," she said lamely.

"I understand," Harm said quietly. She didn't want to have dinner with him. He could read between the lines of her tone of voice. He would just have to live with it.

Mac saw the crestfallen look on his face and she felt her resolve weakening. She hated that she had caused the hurt expression on his face, even though he had hurt her first, months ago. "Why don't we have dinner at my place?" she suggested. "Since we were out of town, I don't have much in my fridge, but we can order a pizza."

Harm felt a surge of hope in his heart as he pulled Mac into his warm embrace, her head resting on his chest, him tilting his head to rest his cheek on top of her head. After a long moment, Mac wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes, breathing in deeply his scent. For just a moment, she found herself forgetting everything that had come between them, the hurt and pain of the last year. She could admit to herself that she was finally right where she wanted to be. And then he spoke and her heart surged with happiness. "I'd like nothing more, Sarah."

Across the grassy meadow, Mic Brumby watched them with a heavy heart. He had not gone to the park to spy on them, not really. But he had needed to see them together. Now he finally saw what had been in front of him all along. The dance at the Surface Warfare Ball, everything Renee had said, it all crystallized in his mind in a bitter truth. He could never, would never, hold any higher than second place in Sarah Mackenzie's heart.

-----

2257 ZULU  
SARAH MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT  
GEORGETOWN  
WASHINGTON D.C.

Mac entered her apartment and flipped on a light switch, Harm and Jingo trailing behind her. Mac tossed her keys on the coffee table as Jingo went immediately into the kitchen to stand expectantly beside his food bowl. "Why don't you turn on the stereo?" she suggested as she followed Jingo into the kitchen.

Harm went over and flipped the stereo on, glancing at Mac's CD collection before deciding to leave the radio on. Mac came out of the kitchen and was about to pick up the phone to call for their pizza when they both stopped and stared at each other as they heard the song that was beginning to play.

For Mac, everything seemed to move in slow motion as Harm walked over to her and pulled her into his arms, Mac resting her ear against his chest, listening to the steady thump thump of his heart, the two of them swaying gently to the 'Friends And Lovers', the music drifting out over the room and into their hearts.

Harm closed his eyes as he held Mac as if he was never going to let her go. He had agonized over how to tell her, how to avoid the mistakes he had made before. Now fate had stepped in. As they continued swaying together in her living room, Harm began singing softly in her ear along with the song.

Tears began to form in Mac's eyes as she finally made the decision that she had been agonizing over for months. She hated that someone was going to get hurt, but she couldn't feel regret about grabbing hold of everything she had wanted ever since the Rose Garden.

As the song ended, Mac stepped out of Harm's embrace and looked up at him, finally seeing everything she had ever longed for etched in his eyes, everything she had desperately wanted him to feel and tell her that night under the stars. Raising her right hand so he could see, her gaze locked with his, she slipped Mic's ring off her finger and dropped it into the front pocket of her shorts. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw the tears forming in his eyes and she reached up to brush a stray tear off his cheek with her thumb, her fingers tracing the contours of his face, memorizing every angle and curve.

"Sarah. . . ." he began, his voice hoarse with emotion. She pressed her fingertips to his lips, silencing him, shivering when he pressed a soft kiss to her fingers.

She felt her heart racing as she knew that he was finally ready to let go. "I know," she whispered softly as he removed her hand from his face, pressing it to his chest, where she could feel his heart racing at the same frantic pace as hers. Finally confident in her feelings, his feelings, in the reality now in front of them, she took the final figurative step to everything her heart desired. "Stay with me tonight," she whispered.

"Yes," Harm groaned as he pulled her hard against him, releasing the denied feelings of four long years in one devastating kiss that left them breathless and desperately wanting more.

-----

To be continued…


	4. Chapter 4

2305 ZULU  
SARAH MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT  
GEORGETOWN  
WASHINGTON D.C.

Mac lost all track of time as she lost herself to the fire that Harm's kiss was lighting inside of her. This was not like their bittersweet kiss on the docks in Norfolk. This was raw and searing. God, if he could do this to her with just a kiss, she thought. Anxious to taste more, to feel more, her hands moved between them up the front of his shirt, grasping the top button. She started to undo it, but Harm placed one of his hands on top of hers, stilling them.

Reluctantly breaking off their kiss, Harm rested his forehead against hers, his breathing ragged as he put his hands on her shoulders to steady himself. How could he have denied himself, the two of them, this for the last four years? Just one kiss with Sarah Mackenzie had ignited an inferno within him that no other woman ever had. He wanted, needed her as he had wanted and needed nothing before in his life, but he also wanted, needed to give her everything that it was within him to give.

"Harm?" Mac asked, her own breathing harsh and unsteady. Why did he pull away from her? Had he suddenly decided that this, that they weren't a good idea? "Why. . . ?" she began before losing her nerve, afraid to hear his reply.

"God, Sarah, I. . . ." How could he possibly find the words, explain how she was creating all these new and exciting, yet terrifying feelings in him? How could he explain something that he couldn't yet comprehend himself? "I don't know. . . .how. . . .to say. . . ."

"Then don't tell me, just show me," Mac encouraged gently. "Please, just show me."

Harm pulled her against him again, covering her mouth with his again, his tongue probing and insistent as he drank in the sweet taste of her. Without breaking the kiss, he pulled her firm against him and began leading her back towards her bedroom, his hands moving over her, boldly caressing.

In the bedroom, Harm broke off the kiss and gently pushed Mac back onto the bed and stood over her at the foot of the bed, taking in the sight of her lithe frame sprawled on top of the covers. He stretched out on his side beside her, propped up on one elbow, his other hand caressing her stomach through her shirt.

"Harm," Mac pleaded, reaching for the button of his shorts. "I need you so much. Now. I need you now."

"We have all night, Sarah," he told her, slowly pulling her shirt out of the waistband of her shorts, his hand disappearing underneath to caress her bare skin. "We have the rest of our lives."

The rest of their lives. How sweet those words sounded coming from his lips, how she had longed to hear them for so long. How desperately she wanted to believe them. "Make love to me," she quietly pleaded, tears in her eyes.

Afterward, as they drifted off to sleep, their last conscious thought was to promise themselves silently that they would never let go – of each other.

-----

MONDAY, 29 MAY  
0911 ZULU  
SARAH MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT  
GEORGETOWN  
WASHINGTON D.C.

Mac, sprawled on her stomach, slowly drifted towards wakefulness, reluctant to leave the fantasy world that she was in. She had the most wonderful dream last night and wasn't ready to face the harsh reality of a new day. "I don't want to wake up," she murmured as she buried her face in her pillow.

"Why not?" a voice asked, a very familiar one that had spent the night in her heart and mind. She smiled at the sound.

"Wonderful dream," was the lazy reply as she tried to force herself back into a deep sleep and her world of dreams and fantasy. But she was shocked fully awake when she felt a hand moving slowly over her back and hips. That was no dream. She turned from the pillow and found herself looking up into a familiar pair of blue-green eyes.

"I don't know whether to be insulted that you thought last night was just a dream or flattered that you were dreaming of me," Harm teased, the grin she loved so much on his face, his hand moving in slow, lazy circles over her back.

"What time is is?" Mac asked without thinking about what she was saying.

"Isn't that supposed to be my line?" he shot back.

"You made my internal clock go all haywire," she pouted. Right now, she didn't think she could even pinpoint what day it was. Hell, after last night, who cares?

"Oh, really," Harm said, a gleam in his eyes. "I did that to you?"

Giggling, Mac turned suddenly and pulled her pillow out from under her head, playfully swatting him with it. "Just what I need," she retorted, "you with an even more swelled head than usual."

Harm laughed playfully as he grabbed his own pillow and hit her back. It quickly escalated into a full fledged pillow fight which came to an equally abrupt end when Mac found herself trapped under him. He was lowering his head to kiss her when they were both startled by a loud bark from the doorway. Jingo stood there, patiently waiting for some attention.

Mac glanced at the clock on the nightstand and saw that it was 0521. "Okay, okay," Mac told the dog, reluctantly climbing out from under Harm and out of bed. "I know. Time for breakfast."

Harm watched with an appreciative gleam as she walked over to her closet and grabbed the robe hanging on the door. As she fastened it around her, she saw his expression and, grabbing his shirt and shorts off the floor, she tossed them at him. "You may as well get dressed," she told him. "After breakfast comes the morning walk." Harm sighed with disappointment as she disappeared into the other room.

-----

0945 ZULU  
GEORGETOWN  
WASHINGTON D.C.

Harm and Mac walked with Jingo through Georgetown's streets, hand in hand in the pre-dawn hours, her head resting on his shoulder. They had said very little as they walked, instead revealing in the simple joy of each other's company. As they turned the corner back onto her street, she suddenly commented, "Today's Memorial Day. What time were you planning on going to the Wall?"

Harm shrugged. "I usually go about early, about 0800, 0900. Today tends to attract a lot of visitors, so I like to go early to beat the crowds."

"Spend some time alone with your Dad?" she asked quietly in understanding.

"Something like that," he answered as he stared off into the distance. He turned to her as inspiration struck. "Come with me today," he pleaded. "Come to the Wall with me."

"Oh, Harm," she said, squeezing his hand. She was thrilled that he would ask her to share this with him. "I'd be honored."

"We'll need to go back by my place so I can get into uniform," he told her.

"Harm?"

"Hmmm?" he replied, lost in thought.

Mac lifted their joined hands and kissed the back of his hand. "Thank you for asking me," she said, tears in her eyes.

-----

1225 ZULU  
VIETNAM MEMORIAL  
WASHINGTON D.C.

After a leisurely breakfast and a quick shower, Mac changed into her dress uniform then the two of them drove to Harm's place so he could change into his own uniform. They then drove to the Mall, parking near the Washington Monument and walking silently the length of the reflecting pool to the Vietnam Memorial.

Stopping in front of the black slab with his father's name, Mac gave his hand a quick squeeze then stepped back to the edge of the grass to give him some privacy.

"Hi, Dad," Harm said quietly, tracing his father's name with his fingers. "I have so much to tell you this time. I brought someone with me this time. You've heard me talk about her before. She's always been there for me, even going with me to Russia to find you. She's so special. I was so afraid to let her know, but now that I have, I can't believe we wasted so much time. She's a Marine, but she's my jarhead and I love her. Dad, did you hear me? I said I love her."

Mac, who couldn't hear Harm's whispered conversation with his father, was slightly surprised when he turned and motioned for her to join him. Not caring that they were in uniform or who might be watching, Harm slipped his arm around her waist. "Dad, this is Sarah, the woman I love." 

Mac tilted her head up to look at him, shocked at the public declaration. If there had been one regret she had harbored about the previous twelve hours, it was that she had not once heard him utter the three words she most wanted to hear, the ones she needed to hear. Her vision blurred as her eyes filled with tears.

Harm looked down at her, brushing the tears from her cheeks. "That's right," he confirmed quietly. "I love you, Sarah Mackenzie."

Mac wrapped her arms around his waist and held him. "I love you, too, Harmon Rabb, Jr.," she replied softly through her tears.

After a long moment spent just holding each other, they let go and snapped to attention, saluting the name engraved on the Wall. As they turned to walk away, Mac brushed her fingers over the name of the father of the man she loved and whispered, "Thank you for the wonderful gift of your son."

-----

Continued in Can't Fight This Feeling Chapter III – Candle In The Window


End file.
